FOMO vs. JOMO: Why the Joy of Missing Out Leads to a Better Life

There is always something else happening. Another invitation, another place to visit, another product to consider, another person whose life appears, at least from a distance, to be moving faster than our own.

Modern life gives us access to more choices than any one person could reasonably explore. That can feel like freedom, but it can also create a quiet pressure to keep up with everything. Even when we are content with where we are, it is easy to wonder whether something better is taking place somewhere else.

This is where FOMO and JOMO offer two very different ways of moving through the world. FOMO - the fear of missing out - encourages us to keep every possibility open. It tells us to stay informed, available, and ready to act before an opportunity disappears.

JOMO - the joy of missing out - begins with a different thought: not everything deserves our attention.

It is not about withdrawing from life or losing interest in what is happening around us. It is about choosing what matters and allowing the rest to pass without regret. It accepts that doing something well often means not doing several other things at all.

The Fear of Regret

Psychologists describe FOMO as the concern that other people may be having rewarding experiences without us. It is often paired with a desire to remain continually connected to what others are doing, even when that connection begins to pull us away from our own lives.

The feeling itself is not new. People have always wondered whether a better party, opportunity, or version of life existed somewhere beyond their view. What has changed is how often we are reminded of that possibility.

Social media gives us a steady look at the places we did not visit, the meals we did not attend, and the milestones we have not reached. These moments arrive without much context. We see the result, but rarely the compromise behind it.

Someone else’s vacation appears without the delayed flight, cramped seat, or crowded airport. Their promotion appears without the years of uncertainty that came before it. Their new home appears without the mortgage or plumbing issues that followed.

Yet the comparison still feels real. FOMO takes that comparison and turns it into motion. We scroll because something important might have happened, accept invitations because a better story might emerge, and buy because an item may not be available later.

The possibility of regret begins to guide the decision.

The phrase “joy of missing out” was popularized by technologist Anil Dash in 2012. He described the contentment of being where he had chosen to be, even while knowing that other worthwhile things were taking place elsewhere.

That distinction matters. JOMO is not the belief that nothing else is interesting. It is the confidence that we do not need to experience all of it.

A meaningful life will always contain missed opportunities. There is no other way. Time given to one person cannot be given to everyone, and attention placed on one task cannot remain fully available for another.

FOMO treats this as a problem. JOMO treats it as part of choosing.

The Weight of Too Many Possibilities

One of the quieter costs of FOMO is decision fatigue. The issue is not simply that we make a large number of choices, but that many of those choices remain open long after we appear to have made them.

We choose a restaurant, then continue checking reviews. We start watching something, then browse the other options. We accept one invitation while wondering what else may come up.

Part of our attention stays attached to the alternatives. The decision has been made in practice, but not fully settled in the mind.

Research on choice overload offers a useful degree of nuance. More options are not always harmful. Choice becomes especially tiring when the alternatives are complicated, our preferences are unclear, or we feel pressure to find the single best answer.

FOMO tends to create all three conditions. There are many possibilities, we are not always sure what we want, and the fear of choosing incorrectly makes a good option feel insufficient.

The decision then follows us. Before choosing, we compare. While choosing, we hesitate. After choosing, we wonder whether something better was left behind.

This pattern can enter even the smallest parts of the day. What to eat. What to wear. What to listen to. Which workout to follow. Which productivity system to try next.

None of these decisions is especially difficult on its own. Together, however, they create noise. We begin spending attention on choices that do not deserve much attention.

JOMO does not eliminate choice. It simply allows the search to end.

Instead of asking whether an option is perfect, we can ask whether it is useful, appropriate, and aligned with what matters to us. Once it is, there may be no reason to keep looking. The decision can be completed, leaving more space for whatever comes after it.

When FOMO Costs More Than Time

FOMO can be expensive. Sometimes the cost is obvious. Other times, it hides inside a purchase, an investment, or a calendar that looked manageable until every commitment arrived at once.

Impulse buying is one of the clearest examples. Online shopping is often built around urgency, using countdown clocks, limited releases, low-stock warnings, and notices that other customers are viewing the same item.

The question quietly changes. It is no longer simply, “Do I need this?” It becomes, “How will I feel if I cannot have it later?”

Research on FOMO-based marketing suggests that appeals to scarcity and exclusion can increase the likelihood of a purchase. The fear of missing the opportunity begins to feel more important than the actual value of the product.

A similar pattern appears in financial markets. When an investment rises quickly, the gains of other people become difficult to ignore. Waiting can feel like falling behind, even when the price no longer makes sense.

In a 2023 study from the FINRA Investor Education Foundation and CFA Institute, half of the U.S. Gen Z investors surveyed said they had made an investment because of FOMO. That does not mean every fast-rising investment is a bubble, but it shows how easily social pressure can enter decisions that are better grounded in risk, value, and long-term goals.

This is one reason financial bubbles can become so powerful. Rising prices attract attention. That attention brings in more buyers, pushing prices higher. The movement itself starts to look like evidence that the decision is sound.

FOMO also affects how we spend our time. An invitation may seem easy to accept when it is several weeks away. So does a new project, a weekend trip, or one more favor.

Each commitment appears reasonable by itself. The strain only becomes clear when they begin to overlap.

Overcommitting is often less about poor planning than discomfort with closing a door. We would rather manage an exhausting schedule later than risk missing an experience now. In the moment of saying yes, the potential reward is clear while the future cost remains distant.

Social media adds another layer. Research does not show that it affects every person in the same way. Much depends on how it is used, what we see, and how inclined we are to compare ourselves with others.

Still, the conditions for envy are difficult to miss. We are given an endless collection of other people’s most visible moments. Their success becomes immediate, while their tradeoffs remain private.

Over time, comparison can make an ordinary life feel inadequate, even when that life is good. Across shopping, investing, scheduling, and scrolling, FOMO follows the same basic pattern: external signals begin to carry more weight than our own priorities.

The Confidence to Let Things Pass

JOMO is sometimes mistaken for staying home. It can include staying home, of course, but that is not really the point.

The deeper idea is confidence. Not confidence as display, or the need to appear certain at all times, but something quieter and more durable.

Earned confidence comes from learning what consistently matters to us. We begin to recognize which experiences leave us fulfilled and which simply leave us occupied. We notice what restores our attention and what scatters it.

With time, “no” becomes less dramatic. Declining an invitation does not mean the invitation was bad. Ignoring a trend does not mean the trend has no value. Choosing one path does not require proving that every other path was wrong.

It only means we have chosen.

This is where JOMO connects with intentional living. Intentionality is not about controlling every hour, creating a perfect routine, or stripping life of surprise. It means allowing our values to carry more weight than novelty.

A person can practice JOMO and still be ambitious, curious, and social. The difference is that activity is selected rather than accumulated. The calendar reflects priorities instead of simply recording every opportunity that came along.

Research on time affluence - the feeling that we have enough time - has linked it with greater well-being. The amount of time on the clock may not change, but our experience of it can.

A crowded day often feels short because attention is divided across too many things. A simpler day can feel larger because we are not constantly preparing for what comes next or reviewing what we may have missed.

Studies of solitude have found a similar balance. Chosen time alone can support autonomy and reduce stress, while too much unwanted isolation can harm well-being. JOMO is not permanent retreat. It is the ability to step away without feeling erased.

It means spending time alone without assuming that life is happening somewhere else, then returning to people and experiences with more of our attention intact. That attention is the real benefit.

When we stop monitoring all the places we might have been, we become more available to the place we are.

Simplicity as a Daily Practice

The confidence to let things pass is easier when you have already decided what is enough.

That is where simplicity becomes more than an idea. It becomes a daily practice.

We make countless small decisions every day. Most are harmless on their own. Together, they compete for attention. So there is value in settling some of them well enough that we do not need to keep revisiting them.

Getting dressed is a simple example.

We are not suggesting that clothing carries unusual importance. In fact, the point is almost the opposite. What you wear should not require much mental energy. But reducing the choice only works when you trust what remains.

Quality makes that trust possible.

This idea has shaped how we approach IF... THEN WELL, including something as seemingly simple as a T-shirt. A men’s premium T-shirt that fits well, feels good, holds its shape, and works in different settings can become an easy decision precisely because it was not made carelessly. A lesser T-shirt might give you fewer options, but it can also introduce a different kind of friction. Is the fit quite right? Will the neckline hold its shape? Does it look good enough for where you are going?

Now the supposedly simple choice invites second-guessing.

That is why we put so much thought into our men’s Pima cotton T-shirt. Peruvian Pima cotton gives us an exceptionally soft and durable foundation. Then there are the details: a narrow double-stitched neckline, a carefully hidden neckline seam, and a shoulder seam that drops slightly toward the front for a more natural drape.

None of these details are meant to make you think more about your T-shirt.

They are there so you can think about it less.

Once you find something that works this well, repetition becomes a feature rather than a compromise. That might mean keeping a few trusted T-shirts in regular rotation - essentially creating your own men’s T-shirt bundle around something you already know works. The point is not to fill the closet. It is to make a good choice once, then allow that choice to keep working for you.

That is simplicity in practice. Fewer recurring decisions. Less temptation to keep searching for something marginally different. More confidence in what you have already chosen.

And there is another side to that idea.

If simplicity depends on being deliberate about what we choose to keep, it also depends on being deliberate about what does not deserve our attention…

 

What We Choose to Leave Out

FOMO promises that life will become richer if we say yes more often. And sometimes it will.

Unexpected invitations can lead to lasting friendships. A new opportunity can change the direction of a career. Curiosity has value, and so does spontaneity.

The problem is not saying yes. It is allowing fear to decide what the yes is for.

Fear that we may appear uninformed. Fear that someone else is moving ahead. Fear that an experience will lose its value if it is not captured immediately.

Under that pressure, it is possible to become very busy without becoming deeply engaged. A full calendar can still produce a scattered life.

JOMO offers a quieter alternative. It asks us to notice the difference between an opportunity and a distraction. It asks us to trust that another person’s choice does not make our own choice smaller.

Most of all, it accepts the limits of attention. Every meaningful “yes” requires a number of “no’s” to create room for it.

Those no’s create space for focused work and for engaged conversations by removing unnecessary distraction. They make room for purchases chosen because they enrich your life rather than add to the clutter. And they allow for rest that does not need to be defended as another form of productivity.

The joy of missing out is not the joy of having less life. It is the relief of no longer treating every available option as an obligation.

Doing fewer things does not guarantee that we will do them well... But at least it makes it possible.

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Sources

• Andrew K. Przybylski, Kou Murayama, Cody R. DeHaan and Valerie Gladwell, “Motivational, Emotional, and Behavioral Correlates of Fear of Missing Out,” Computers in Human Behavior, 2013.
• Anil Dash, “JOMO!”, 2012.
• Alexander Chernev, Ulf Böckenholt and Joseph Goodman, “Choice Overload: A Conceptual Review and Meta-Analysis,” Journal of Consumer Psychology, 2015.
• Megan C. Good and Michael R. Hyman, “Direct and Indirect Effects of Fear-of-Missing-Out Appeals on Purchase Likelihood,” Journal of Consumer Behaviour, 2021.
• Adrian Meier and Benjamin K. Johnson, “Social Comparison and Envy on Social Media: A Critical Review,” Current Opinion in Psychology, 2022.
• FINRA Investor Education Foundation and CFA Institute, “New FINRA Foundation-CFA Institute Research Focuses on Gen Z Investors,”, 2023.
• U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission, Investor.gov, “Say ‘NO GO to FOMO,’”.
• Tim Kasser and Kennon M. Sheldon, “Time Affluence as a Path Toward Personal Happiness and Ethical Business Practice,” Journal of Business Ethics, 2009.
• Thuy-vy T. Nguyen and colleagues, “Balance Between Solitude and Socializing: Everyday Solitude Time Both Benefits and Harms Well-Being,” Scientific Reports, 2023.
• IF… THEN WELL and About Us.